What's My Age Again?

I was recently presented with a question that I was quite perplexed by. While speaking with an adult who is obviously, by that statement older than myself, I was quickly stopped in the middle of spouting my opinion in an extremely defensive manner and advised that I did not know what I was talking about and that I should take the advice of someone who has lived a little longer (is older) and had more life experience. To this I immediately apologized and advised that in no way by expressing my opinion did I mean to offend this person. They backed off after my sentiments.

However, after this happened the question that I was then faced with was, did this person know what they were talking about? Does having more years of “life experience” make one more knowledgeable or is it the experiences that one has gone through?  I wanted to say, “Oh yeah… I don’t know what I’m talking about? You may be older than me, but I promise I’ve been through way more than you. Have you buried a parent? Did you have to tell your mom that your dad was cheating on her when you were in high school? Oh no? You didn’t? Don’t talk to me about life experience, because clearly I’ve ‘experienced’ it way more than you. “

I didn’t say any of  that though, because that would have made me look like a bratty kid and that clearly would not have done any good, so instead I apologized for obviously being offensive by expressing that they might not know what they were talking about. People hate to be wrong and that’s just a fact. The ways in which we handle being wrong is what separates us from being “bratty kids” and “life experienced adults”.  

I will be the first to tell you that nothing pains me more than to have to admit defeat. I am stubborn, competitive and more than anything prideful. It does not make my day to have to tell somebody that I was wrong and that they were right, but I always will. No matter what it is about. I will always swallow my pride and just say you’re right.

I didn’t always do this and would just avoid the conversation altogether, but I remember I once had an acquaintance of mine come to me out of the blue and apologize because she was wrong about me and had made a snap judgment. I remember thinking how very mature that was of her to admit that she was wrong and we are now friends because of her actions. Since then I have vowed to do the same thing no matter how much I don’t want to.  

The question of who was right in this situation really tried at me for several days after the incident. I had already apologized, but what for? Being “offensive” or being wrong? If it’s that I was wrong I would certainly need to offer a more substantial apology and change up my train of thought, but if it’s that the individual thought I was “offensive” than my apology was only that of a reflex and a communicated social norm; and in my opinion that person needed to develop a thicker skin. I have pondered over this for quite some time now. I’m not sure who was right and who was wrong.

Some people have been alive for several years and never really lived or experienced anything. Some people are lucky enough to be sheltered, thus naive to the world around them. Ignorance is bliss, so they say. Then there are those who feel extremely old because of the experiences in which they have been faced with.

Myself for example, I may only be 26 years old, but I feel much much older than that. Every time I am faced with a huge decision or life altering event in my life I feel like I age years in only a matter of moments. I also look back in my life and think about how I thought I knew and/or understood everything when I was 19 or 20. Now, being older and having a bit more perspective and wisdom, I realize that I did not know anything. Is that because with age comes wisdom? I also know some “adults” who have never grown up and I would swear to you that my niece who is only six, is much wiser than them. I also know some “adults” who have digressed and become so self-absorbed that I would not take their advice for anything, nor would I ever question whether they knew more than me or not.

I don’t pretend to know everything, even having gone through the things that I have. I would never go to somebody who I knew first-hand, had made life decisions that nobody their age ever should have to that I knew more than them because I was older. Same way I don’t approach married people and tell them what they are doing wrong in their marriage. I’ve never been married, so I don’t know.

With all of this said the query I was faced with never has been answered and is currently still on the table. Does age or experience make us wiser? To all of you out there that might be reading this, which is the correct answer? I would love to hear your opinions so that it will help me form my own. Until next time…be respectful of one another because at the end of the day it doesn’t really matter who is right and who is wrong, it just matters that you can be happy with yourself and how you handled the situation.

Love Always,

Cassandra B.

"The Other C.B."

Complicated

Hello all! It has been some time since my last post and allow me to truly preface that it was out of my realm of thought for how much my life could truly change in only a matter of hours. My absence from textual conversation was not for lack of wanting to write, but instead lack of what to write. No...not the infamous writers block, but instead I have been faced with a plethora of emotions that I have no idea how to deal with.

Since my last post a million things have changed. I started a new job, not the position of my dreams, but I am very happy there and everyone is sincerely and legitimately kind. I think it is somewhere I could truly be happy working at for a very long time, but like my previous employment situations it is not a job that requires any of the skills that I worked so hard to master...literally with a degree. However, if I could find a way to use these skills I have aquired to navigate my way to a higher position. That office is one in which I would be happy to remain employed.

The loss of many people in my life, whether it be by one's choice or by God is something that has truly impacted me and my entire thought process about EVERYTHING! My Mom died on March 5 this year and that incident has left a giant hole not only in my heart, but my life as well. Losing Mom, my best friend, the one person who was always on my side is not something that I thought I would have to deal with as a mere 26 year old. It sounds rediculous, but it's the way I feel. I may be an "adult", but I still need my Mommy. I may be an "adult", but I feel as if I am orphaned. I have sat down a million times since her passing to write about her and there simply are not enough words to express how much she meant to me.

I have tried to think about significant events of my life to share, because I thoroughly LOVE talking about Mom and in no way do I want to forget her or anybody else for that matter, but it's really hard. She is a part of almost every single significant event that has occured in my life. March 5 was one day out of 26 years. Most of which were amazing because I was blessed with the most wonderful mother in the entire world.

The truth of the matter is I am still me, but my life is now split into two different periods. Life with Mom and life after. I know who I was, but now I'm not entirely sure who I am. Where does one go from here? When I am ready to write about Mom and everything it will not be able to be one post, but instead a series of them. One would be a disgrace and I know that for a blog writing an epic novel is not something that anyone would venture to read. The point of posting about Mom is so that I can share her life with other's, so it is essential that their is a desire from those of you out there to want to hear about it. So standby...there is more to come about Mom, known to most as Paula.

As previously mentioned a couple of paragraphs before I have suffered the loss of many people. Mom and Poppy due to death. The other's because for one reason or another they no longer want to include me in their life. One is a boy who has been the topic of a post, the other's are family members. One of those members no longer feels that it is necissary to have any kind of contact with me because, "we have nothing in common" and the other has no choice because she is a child and is limited in her options. I need it to be known that I miss and love each and everyone of these people who are now absent from my life.

This post is not to be depressing, but instead to explain that things are different. In closing I would like to say that I have a TON of things that I would love to write about and one day when I can get my 500 million thoughts in order I will start to share them. Some things are funny, some sad, some analytical and some are just straight up girly. Regardless, they are my thoughts and they are little pieces of information that will shine some insight into who I am. Until then...take care of yourselves, go see your mom because you never know when the last time will be, love and cherish the relationships that you do have with all of those you have selected to be in your life. Remember that families are a blessing and that even if we do not always agree that does not in any way mean that we do not care. Be sweet to eachother! Until then...stay tuned!

Love Always,

Cassandra B.

"The Other C.B."