Lucky

Some of you may already know this about me and some of you may not, but I love me some Britney Spears! It's true and a fact that I simply won't deny. So when thinking about how to title this post it made sense to me to use one of her song titles. For those of you who are not familiar with the song, listen now...

For those of you who know it, then you can only assume what the rest of this post will be about...the answer to that is...Perception!

People always think the grass is greener elsewhere, but lets think about it. How can that be? Nobody's life is perfect and as cliché as it may sound it is true; people always want what they don't have. From the most minuscule thing, like the girl with curls who wishes for straight hair to big things like milestones in life.

Not too long ago I was talking to one of my friends about work and future plans. He told me I could go anywhere and that I was lucky to not have anything holding me back. He said, "Cassandra it's great that you're not attached to anything." What he meant as a compliment is the one thing that vividly stands out in my mind. 

Lucky? He thought I was lucky! I said nothing to him about this, as I know what he meant and continued the conversation like normal, but in the back of my head all I could think was...lucky?

To me, I took being unattached to mean, being empty and with nothing. That doesn't seem like a very fulfilling life, does it? 

Here's the deal, yeah I guess to some having no "obligations" or "attachments" would be a good thing, but I want to be obligated and attached. I want to matter enough to someone that it would impact them if I were to just up and leave. I want a family whose needs I put before my own. I want children to be a priority. I want to have to run my plan by someone else because I respect them enough to not just do whatever I want to do, I want to make decisions because they are what is best for "us", not just "me". So to some this may sound like a burden, but to me it sounds like perfection.

Yeah, I mean I guess it certainly has its perks and has at some points in my life made things much easier. Being young, I think it is important to have the option to be selfish, figure out who you are and what you want, but eventually it gets redundant just thinking about yourself. 

There is something wonderful about being able to care for and about someone else. I saw my mother do it her whole life, and where I wish she would have put herself first at times, her selflessness is one of her most admirable qualities. It gave her joy and happiness to make others feel joy and happiness. I think that's wonderful!

Another one of my friends and I were talking about how we had cabin fever while cooped up in our homes due to this years Snowmageddon/ice storm. I said I had an Amazon addiction and needed to watch myself. He said that was the good thing about being single; you can just buy things for yourself. 

Well yes I mean I guess, I am pretty much in love with the boots that I felt like I had to have, but they don't evoke the same feeling that I get when I walk by baby clothes at the store.

Maybe it's hormones, maybe it's that biological clock merely ticking away, or maybe it is simply that one man's trash is another man's treasure.

I urge you all to look at both sides of a scenerio in all instances, this will make you a more socially responsible person as well as a more intelligent individual. What you mean complimentary may not conjure the same emotions to someone else. Your thoughts? Lucky! or Lucky? Have you ever felt the opposite of the implication? Tell me all about it. These are my perceptions...

Love Always,

Cassandra B.

"The Other C.B."

Happy Birthday Mommy

There are quite literally a million wonderful things that I could say about my mom. If you were blessed enough to have had the chance to get to know her then there is no reason for me to elaborate because you already are aware of her unconditional love to all and her whole-hearted kindness. If you did not get to meet her, then you truly missed out on being in the presence of one truly amazing person. Stylistically, this is not like any other post I’ve ever written, but I feel it is truly the only way to go about it. With that said, feel free to read on. This one is really for her anyway.

Dear Mommy,

Mom, Marissa and I in 1991.

So many things have happened in the seven months that you have been gone. I have wanted to call you countless times and even by reaction started to before remembering that you can’t answer. I know that you already know everything that I want to tell you, but I really do miss being able to. There is so much that I wanted to do with you and for you, that I unfortunately cannot. Mom I wish I could have told you and asked you so many things. Please know that I love you more than words can express and I am sorry that I didn’t tell you so every single day.

To be honest, I am sorry about a lot of things. I am sorry for being so hateful and for believing that I knew everything. The fact is, I didn’t really know much, but as soon as I lost you I certainly gained some perspective. Sadly, there are certain things about you I didn’t get at all until then. I apologize for being so hard on you, I just wanted you to have more in life that what you were allotted, because there was truly nobody else that I thought deserved it more. I wish I had gone to church with you on Saturday nights when you asked me to. I am so regretful that I would not let things go. I’m sorry that I forgot that you wanted me to play Garth Brooks, “TheDance” at your funeral. I was so overwhelmed by the whole week that it didn’t even occur to me until weeks later. 

I was and am the luckiest person in the world, just because you are my mom. You taught me countless things, but most importantly I think, is that you taught me to love. It breaks my heart to think that you will not physically be there to sing with your beautiful voice and give me away at my wedding one day. My children, when I have them ( I mean people children, not Mischief, Sassy and Bentley), will not have the most wonderful grandma anyone could ask for and I will not have you there to teach me and remind me what it is that I need to do to be a wonderful mother to them. However, I do know that I learned from the best, I learned from you and even though I will not be able to see you, I know that you will be right there helping me through and guiding me along my way. I know you will, because you always have and even when I did not deserve it, you were there for me. 

Me, Mom and Josh in 1997.

I miss you every day. Now that you are gone there is a very empty place in my heart that will not be filled because Mom, you are my heart. You were my best friend, my cheerleader and my home. The hardest thing I ever had to do was let you go, please know that. I just always wanted to protect you and tried to until the very end. People tell me all the time how sorry they are and how wonderful you were. Mom do you know how amazing it is to hear from so many people how great you are?! You left some pretty big shoes to fill.

I look back on my life, and every single one of my best memories includes you. You played dress up with me and were never too busy to listen to me, or hug me or tell me that you love me. I guess because you always had the time to offer these things I didn’t realize how special they were. I always appreciated them, but had no idea how much I would miss them because it seems unreal that you are gone.

Like I said, I know that you already know all of this, but I got a new job that I really like, and I know this sounds silly, but I’m moving and for some reason it really upsets me. I think it’s because this will be my first place that you will not see. It’s like you won’t know where I live. It’s pretty ridiculous I know, but it is just another realization that I’ve had to face. I told you that I would do whatever I could to make you proud, and I promise you I will. You have my word, and we both know how insanely stubborn I am…lol. 

Mom and I at Senior Day at NSU 2009.

Sometimes when I miss you, I have several voicemails of yours saved on my phone and I just listen to them over and over, because it is just nice to hear your voice. I will listen to Bette Midler, watch movies like Beaches and What’s Eating Gilbert Grape, visit your church and probably more than anything else, I will talk about you. I always have talked about you, telling stories about things we would do when I was younger, but I think I do it more now. I think it is my way of making sure people remember you and know that it is not just that I thought you were amazing because you were my mom, but that you really were. 

Mommy, thank you. Thank you for loving me all the time, no matter what. Thank you for all of the memories, thank you for believing in me and thank you for forgiving me for being a jerk. I’m glad that I got to know you as an adult. I’m glad that I got to be your person, and I know you would feel bad about confiding certain things in me, but know that I never felt bad about it. It made me feel special that you needed me because I had spent so much time needing you. It made me feel special that you treated me like an adult and thought I was mature enough to not just be your daughter, but also your friend. Mom, thank you so much for always making me feel special and important. Thank you for being my angel.

I know that you and Papa Gene are up there watching over us all. I cannot wait until the day that I can see you again. I also know that tomorrow OU will beat Texas if you and Poppy have anything to say about it…hahahaha. As hard as it was to do what I did, I would do it all over again if I knew that it meant I could spend just one more day with you and tell you all of these things. Thank you for being you and thank you for being my mom. I am proud of you and you were enough, more than enough. I am proud to have been your daughter.

Happy Birthday Mommy! I love you and I miss you more than words can express. Until I see you again…

Love Always,

Your daughter and angel baby

Cassandra B.

"The Other C.B."

Suit and Tie

Men, men, men....I do not know where to begin, but what has happened to you all? I am beyond confused about this new epidemic of completely beautiful men thinking that the opposite sex is attracted to their new woodsman look. When we said we like Duck Dynasty that was to say that we think it is funny and that we enjoy watching the show with you, not that we want to take those men home and make babies with them.

Funny does not always mean sexy, unless we are talking about Ryan Reynolds of course.

Really what this makes me think of is the scene in Clueless when Cher is talking about not understanding the male population of her generations ensemble selection. I believe she says, "So okay, I don't want to be a traitor to my generation and all but I don't get how guys dress today. I mean, come on, it looks like they just fell out of bed and put on some baggy pants and take their greasy hair - ew - and cover it up with a backwards cap and like, we're expected to swoon? I don't think so."

Okay, well mountain men of my generation I can assure you that when the women of this generation see your "no shave November" look going into the months of March (because it has literally been that long since you cut your hair or shaved your face) we are not thinking, "mmmhmm, let me get me some of that". Instead you reminding us of Burt Reynolds character from the end of the movie Without a Paddle makes us think, well of just that...Burt Reynolds's character from Without a Paddle. He was funny, he was crazy, but sexy...he was not.

I will be perfectly honest here, I detest long hair on guys and I'm not much of a fan for facial hair, unless it is maintained, so I know my opinion may seem biased. If you are reading this and think, well this is just her opinion and obviously not what she is attracted to, then yes you would be somewhat right. I will not argue, this is my opinion that is fact, but really and truly the reason I, as well as several other women I have spoken with feel the way that we do about this new look that so many men are currently sporting is because it makes them look unkempt.

I do not think that physical appearance is the most important thing in the world. I do believe that what is on the inside is more important. In fact I know many people who I would not have considered hot at first glance, but now that I know them I think they are extremely attractive. With that being said, I am not the most shallow person in the world, but I do think it is imperative that we take care of ourselves.

When I see a man who looks like he needs to cut his hair and shave his face I immediately think he needs to bathe. Dirty is not sexy. Guys you may be squeaky clean, but in my head I'm thinking your not so fresh and so clean clean. This new trend suggests to me that you look this way because you don't care. Those who don't care are lazy. Lazy is not an adjective that people want associated with themselves. Looking messy tells me that you do not care about yourself and are probably lacking in hygiene. Hygiene is a must!

When I see a man who looks like he doesn't care about himself it is a tell tell sign to me that he will not care about anyone else either and why would I want to be with a man like that? Why would any woman want to be with a man that could never care for her? If you don't care enough to care about yourself, you obviously will never care about me. No woman that I know of would want these qualities in a man.

I miss the olden days when people were classy and had personal pride in themselves. They woke up in the mornings and got DRESSED. Men and women. They did not just roll out and go because that simply would not be acceptable. The suit is a classic and one that few men these days seem utilize.

Suits are like a magic weapon that men forget about. Obviously there is more to it than just throwing on the suit, but it's a big step. Suits are sexy, they make men look sexy, they evoke a sense of power that is indescribable. If a man wears a suit and has shaved his face, fixed his hair and look like he actually gave a shit before he walked out of his house then his sex appeal multiplies immensely.

The fact is men, like it or not, a classic is a classic for a reason. The suit is the equivalent to our "little black dress". It just works! Men are much more visual creatures than women, this is why statistically a man is more likely to have a porn addiction than a woman. So men think of it this way... a well tailored suit is to women what lingerie is to men. Men think about how much it turns you on to see us in sexy lingerie...don't you want to turn us on the same way?

These are merely some suggestions to the burley men of my generation. Consider all that I have said and take it to heart. If a suit is not your thing then just do this and I promise it will dramatically increase your sex appeal...are you ready for the secret...are you...are you hanging at the edge of your seat...here it goes...I'll tell you...this is all you have to do...cut your hair and shave your face. Let us see those beautiful features that God gave you. If I have to search for your lips under all that hair that is on your face I am not going to want to kiss them (no matter how good of a kisser you are). That's it. The big secret is out, now if you want to turn an entire 180 then I suggest you suit up!

Here is some pictoral proof. Enjoy!

 

Love Always,

 

Cassandra B.

"The Other C.B."

Let's Get Married: The Rules: Unplugged

If pop sensation Beyoncé Knowles Carter says it is so, then it must be huh? Well this statement of course is debatable, but who should question the iconic diva who seems to have all things going her way? She is part of the biggest girl groups of the late 90’s into the early 2000’s, has a phenomenal solo career, married one of hip hop’s biggest rap tycoon’s, thus making them one of the biggest power couples in the world and even has a precious baby that has a name unlike that of any other. Miss Blue Ivy is the only of her kind because Mommy Beyoncé and Daddy Jay-Z put that name on lock to ensure that nobody else would be copying their little girl’s name.

From the sounds of it Beyoncé knows a thing or two, so when she suggested that women take her advice on how to land a man and make him “put a ring on it”, these women would be crazy not to listen to the crazy in love singer right? Beyoncé said you need to be a rules girl and this is what lead to the reawakening of the once popular book all over again.

I’m not sure how many of you are familiar with “The Rules” or the new version of this once controversial book that has been updated to address the rules of dating for women in the digital era. The newly revised version of this best-selling novel is entitled, “The New Rules: The dating dos and don’ts for the digital generation”. According to the cover of this book, “If you’re one of the few women on planet Earth who have not heard of the book, where have you been?” I for one think it is my civic duty to make sure that you are not left in the dark or made to feel like you’ve been living under a rock so I will not only tell you all about the book, but also give you my thoughts and feelings regarding it.

Here is a brief background on the original novel. The Rules came out in 1995 and was not widely accepted by feminist groups due to the fact that the book suggests that it is the man’s job to pursue a relationship. For those involved in the feminist movement this is a complete contradiction to the idea that a woman is capable of doing anything that a man can. The controversy surrounding this book only made it that much more popular.

After Mrs. Sean Carter put her mark on it, the author’s Ellen Fein and Sherrie Schneider with the assistance of their college-aged daughters referred to in the new book as “Rules Daughter’s” saw the opportunity to dip into a previously lucrative investment and make even more money off of it. So that is just what they did! Re-wrote their old book and threw in some chapters about how to make it relatable to things women have to deal with today and didn’t 15-20 years ago.

Some of the new things would be Instant messaging, texting, sexting, online dating, etc… I have some very strong opinions when it comes to online dating, so I thought it might be interesting to hear another perspective (other than my friends who utilize this ‘scene’ as a plausible option for meeting new people). So I ordered the book and read it. Upon completion these are my thoughts.

It is a simplified dating strategy book created to help us find a man to “put a ring on it” because after all that is what all the single ladies want right? To be married?! I for one do want to be a married woman with the standard 2.5 children etc… I also have some friends who know that they do not want to be married women and certainly do not want to have any children. I don’t think that there is a thing in the world wrong with knowing what one wants and what they don’t.

 I also have male friends who want to be married and one’s that don’t. I think that is important to know too. The difference being that if a man wants to be a perpetual bachelor he is considered a George Clooney and that is sexy. If a woman doesn’t want these things then there is something wrong with her or she is a lesbian. This is the social default to these scenarios; something that I firmly disagree with.

The book is broken down to 31 different rules, much less than that of wedding crashing and some I agree with wholeheartedly and others I am less than happy with. The rules are basically as follows:

The book says to be mysterious and suggests many ways to do this and then it says to look a certain way. If all women follow these rules won’t we all look the same and if so does that make us a creature unlike any other or does that make us all the same? Plus who is to say that all men are attracted to the exact same thing? Everyone has a type right?

The book says that women are never to approach, ask out,  talk, flirt, text, FB, Tweet, IM, e-mail, Skype, sit or stand next to a guy first. Let the man approach you. If you do any of these things than you are simply prolonging the inevitable and that is that the relationship will end if it ever starts. It is up to a man as to whether or not a relationship is going to go somewhere or not and there is not a thing in the world a woman can do to change that. This concept kind of bothers me. Does that mean that if only guys that I am not interested in are interested in me, then I either need to settle for one of them or be alone? How does that work for me?

Ladies one of the things that I do agree with from the book is that at times we can be over eager and this can push guys away. This is due to the fact that we have had to kiss so many toads before finding our prince and once some guys comes in and we have the slightest suspicion that he might be “the one”, we go bat-shit. Respond to his texts seconds after we receive one, blow his phone up, write all over his wall, basically start marking our territory. Unless your boy is R. Kelly this approach will not work. We e-mail and text novels (which nobody has time to read), we talk…talk…talk.

The over-talking thing is no bueno. Not only do we leave out all mystery, but it’s exhausting. When I say we do this, we not only do this to the guys in our lives, but we also seem to do it to our best friends. When we aren’t talking to the guy we are talking about them. The guy hates this and your friends do too. We liked you just fine before you met THIS GUY. Your friends are friends with you…not with him. Don’t ruin friendships over your obsessiveness. I have a friend who doesn’t know how to talk about anything besides guys. She is an online dater so there are times that I can’t keep track of which one is which and she goes through them so quickly there really is no point in listening because next week we will be talking about another one. It’s annoying to say the least, but I let it slide because I talk about the same non-relationship guy I have had in my life with her all the time too, which I am sure is equally as annoying.

We tend to let men and our relationship become all consuming, as though they are the very air to our lungs. Women we make them too much a part of our lives when in actuality we may simply be a very miniscule part of theirs. Another thing about this is that we have no shame about this AT ALL. It’s like we want them to know that we will re-arrange our lives around them. What we need to remember is that we had a life before this man and if it comes down to it we will still have one after him. This is super duper important and something I whole-heartedly agreed with.

The book suggests not making ourselves too available. This is necessary. And as much as it says to not make it seem like he is the most important thing in your life, simplify that…don’t make him the most important thing in your life until you are the most important thing in his. We should not just hang out all the time with this guy or cancel our plans when he comes up with some last minute. He is not the only person in your life. When he says jump, don’t say how high. Some self-respect is completely necessary for a healthy relationship and ladies we are not stupid so we should know this already.

The points that the book address in terms of self-respect are not ones that I felt necessary to be lectured because to me they should be common knowledge, but apparently that is not the case for everyone so in a nut-shell this is what Fein and Schneider have to say: Don’t pay for everything, if you do how will you know if he likes you or what you can do for him, J.LO said it best when she advised that her love don’t cost a thing. Don’t always be the one to show up to his place, make him put forth effort to see you…or else maybe you are just a convenient lay? Don’t relocate for a guy unless there has been some kind of serious commitment conversation had and he is equally as willing to move for you. Ladies this means don’t job hunt or look for colleges that are closer to your guy…or the guy you want to be yours.

Ladies why do we do this to ourselves? Some cute guy smiles at us and we get those butterflies in our tummy and all of a sudden the world we lived in prior to our interaction with this man means nothing and we cannot see a world for ourselves without him in it. We are willing to do anything…including leave everyone and everything we know behind just to be near him? This is retarded!!! Don’t ever invest that much in someone if they don’t do the same for you.

Some other obvious things mentioned in the book that I looked at and thought… “well no shit” were these: don’t get wasted on dates or at parties, not only is this not safe you run the risk of saying and doing things you normally wouldn’t say or do. Don’t sext because you never know what he will do with these pictures, don’t accept booty calls, wait before you end up having sex with him, don’t date somebody who cancels on you more than one time, don’t be self-destructive by dating married men, unavailable men or those who give mixed-messages about where you stand in their life, be sure to weed out bad guys (meaning those who cheat, have addiction problems, are players or all around time wasters).

OK so maybe I say no duh…pretty sure I’ve been guilty of SOME of these things…but why? I’m not stupid so why have I fallen into some of these patterns? Because I am a woman and that is what we do. We make excuses for these guys and inevitably let them run the whole game. Some of the best romantic comedies address these very things and still we perpetuate this kind of life. So is it art reflecting life or life reflecting art?

The movie He’s Just Not That Into You is easily about The Rules and had these women followed “The Rules” they wouldn’t be left broken-hearted, blah, blah, blah, except for those that are the exception…it gets complicated obviously. Then look at “The Ugly Truth” with Katherine Hiegl and Gerard Butler. She’s crazy with all these checklists and rules and regulations to dating, to which nasty bad boy Butler with a heartbreaking back story which makes him a broken thing to mend, responds by telling her she is nuts and that guys really are as deep as a puddle. In the end everything works out for these two because it is just crazy enough to work out. They balance each other, etc… Well ladies be realistic we are not all adorable, sweet and warm under our possessive and control freak exterior, not every woman is Dr. Izzie Stevens the same way not every asshole guy is going to turn out to be Gerard Butler. Some guys are just assholes and some chicks are just crazy ass control freaks. Period!

Don’t Facebook stalk is another rule. This is to keep you from sounding like a psycho by accidently bringing up things that you would only know if you had creeped his page. Funny how this is something that women don’t think of as being creepy, but something that will send a guy flying in the opposite direction almost immediately. Guys consider it doing homework, women get obsessive and make it part of their daily routine, same as brushing their teeth and hair. I once talked to an extremely eloquent guy (because my taste is impeccable) and he would tell me things about myself that he would only know from FB and I let it go as he was doing his research, but he would insist that I only knew certain things about him because I was doing the same thing…this was not the case. I was just a much better listener with a much better memory than him. He then would mention things about his ex and how she was crazy with him on Facebook and creeped through his stuff like crazy because, “BBC”…which he advised me meant Bitches Be Crazy! Which can of course be true…same could be said about men sometimes.

 The book also says to go to the gym because let’s face it guys don’t want to be with a big girl…well that may be one reason I guess, but really we should take care of ourselves for us. If you don’t love yourself how do you expect anyone else to? Go to the gym…yes, but do it for you, not so that you can be landed by some guy.

If you like it then you should have put a ring on it comes into play with rule number 30. “Don’t date indefinitely without a commitment”. Like we have heard a million times before, why buy the cow when you can have the milk for free? This is my entire problem with “playing house”. It’s a personal decision and one that you can agree or disagree with, but for me when I get married one day I don’t want it to be just someday where we go back to our home that we have already lived in and settle back into our regular routine…I want it to be new. I don’t want to cohabitate because I want our homes to be separate until we are husband and wife. Not everyone feels this way, but I do. I respect your opinions and know a million people who I am close to that have lived with their spouse prior to marriage and that is just fine for them…just not my thing.

The biggest thing I took from this book was to be confident in yourself, play the game, but make him think that it is all his idea, use some common sense, don’t be a skank, respect yourself and you too will be the next Mrs. Whomever. If you follow these rules and become a rules girl everything will work out just fine.

The BIGGEST PROBLEM I have with this book is this: 1)I HATE with a passion that dating is considered a game and that there are rules at all. If I find my Mr. Right should it really be that hard? 2) I like rule-breakers (you know bad boys that go against the grain) so does this even pertain to me…or this particular breed of man? 3) We bitch and bitch about guys playing games with us (BSB said to Quit Playing Games with Their Hearts, and I took note)…but this book is a guideline on how to play THE GAME…why? 4) WOMEN, MEN DO NOT READ BOOKS TELLING THEM HOW TO GET MARRIED OR FIND A RELATIONSHIP…SO WHY DO WE? Our entire lives we are told that girls are smarter than boys, but maybe they have something figured out that we don’t. They don’t need somebody to tell them how to do this…they just do it! To me that is freaking awesome. Way to be a go-getter guys!

WHAT WE SHOULD DO:  Take the good things from this book, make a personal investment in yourself, love you so that when you are faced with that special someone you will be confident in you. Be open to new possibilities because you never know where or when you will meet that person. Don’t make them a bigger deal to you than you are to them. Be honest with yourself about the person that you are with and don’t make excuses or hang out in limbo waiting for them. If it is long distance make sure he is willing to come to you before you go off and see him a million times. Relationships should be equal. Love long, love hard and know that if it doesn’t work out with one person that doesn’t mean it won’t work out with another. Heart break sucks, but you can always learn something about yourself from the experience. Figure out who you are and what you want. Be very honest about that and don’t make compromises with things that are important to you. Love yourself and he will too.

These are just my thoughts and if you are a rules girl and this has worked for you…I’d love to hear all about it. Guys what are things that are make or break for you? I’d love to compare and contrast with what I read in the book, my personal experiences and what YOU have to say. Commentary from both sexes is always welcome. Not just welcome, but appreciated! I hope to hear from you all soon!!!!  

Love Always,

Cassandra B.

"The Other C.B."

What's My Age Again?

I was recently presented with a question that I was quite perplexed by. While speaking with an adult who is obviously, by that statement older than myself, I was quickly stopped in the middle of spouting my opinion in an extremely defensive manner and advised that I did not know what I was talking about and that I should take the advice of someone who has lived a little longer (is older) and had more life experience. To this I immediately apologized and advised that in no way by expressing my opinion did I mean to offend this person. They backed off after my sentiments.

However, after this happened the question that I was then faced with was, did this person know what they were talking about? Does having more years of “life experience” make one more knowledgeable or is it the experiences that one has gone through?  I wanted to say, “Oh yeah… I don’t know what I’m talking about? You may be older than me, but I promise I’ve been through way more than you. Have you buried a parent? Did you have to tell your mom that your dad was cheating on her when you were in high school? Oh no? You didn’t? Don’t talk to me about life experience, because clearly I’ve ‘experienced’ it way more than you. “

I didn’t say any of  that though, because that would have made me look like a bratty kid and that clearly would not have done any good, so instead I apologized for obviously being offensive by expressing that they might not know what they were talking about. People hate to be wrong and that’s just a fact. The ways in which we handle being wrong is what separates us from being “bratty kids” and “life experienced adults”.  

I will be the first to tell you that nothing pains me more than to have to admit defeat. I am stubborn, competitive and more than anything prideful. It does not make my day to have to tell somebody that I was wrong and that they were right, but I always will. No matter what it is about. I will always swallow my pride and just say you’re right.

I didn’t always do this and would just avoid the conversation altogether, but I remember I once had an acquaintance of mine come to me out of the blue and apologize because she was wrong about me and had made a snap judgment. I remember thinking how very mature that was of her to admit that she was wrong and we are now friends because of her actions. Since then I have vowed to do the same thing no matter how much I don’t want to.  

The question of who was right in this situation really tried at me for several days after the incident. I had already apologized, but what for? Being “offensive” or being wrong? If it’s that I was wrong I would certainly need to offer a more substantial apology and change up my train of thought, but if it’s that the individual thought I was “offensive” than my apology was only that of a reflex and a communicated social norm; and in my opinion that person needed to develop a thicker skin. I have pondered over this for quite some time now. I’m not sure who was right and who was wrong.

Some people have been alive for several years and never really lived or experienced anything. Some people are lucky enough to be sheltered, thus naive to the world around them. Ignorance is bliss, so they say. Then there are those who feel extremely old because of the experiences in which they have been faced with.

Myself for example, I may only be 26 years old, but I feel much much older than that. Every time I am faced with a huge decision or life altering event in my life I feel like I age years in only a matter of moments. I also look back in my life and think about how I thought I knew and/or understood everything when I was 19 or 20. Now, being older and having a bit more perspective and wisdom, I realize that I did not know anything. Is that because with age comes wisdom? I also know some “adults” who have never grown up and I would swear to you that my niece who is only six, is much wiser than them. I also know some “adults” who have digressed and become so self-absorbed that I would not take their advice for anything, nor would I ever question whether they knew more than me or not.

I don’t pretend to know everything, even having gone through the things that I have. I would never go to somebody who I knew first-hand, had made life decisions that nobody their age ever should have to that I knew more than them because I was older. Same way I don’t approach married people and tell them what they are doing wrong in their marriage. I’ve never been married, so I don’t know.

With all of this said the query I was faced with never has been answered and is currently still on the table. Does age or experience make us wiser? To all of you out there that might be reading this, which is the correct answer? I would love to hear your opinions so that it will help me form my own. Until next time…be respectful of one another because at the end of the day it doesn’t really matter who is right and who is wrong, it just matters that you can be happy with yourself and how you handled the situation.

Love Always,

Cassandra B.

"The Other C.B."

Complicated

Hello all! It has been some time since my last post and allow me to truly preface that it was out of my realm of thought for how much my life could truly change in only a matter of hours. My absence from textual conversation was not for lack of wanting to write, but instead lack of what to write. No...not the infamous writers block, but instead I have been faced with a plethora of emotions that I have no idea how to deal with.

Since my last post a million things have changed. I started a new job, not the position of my dreams, but I am very happy there and everyone is sincerely and legitimately kind. I think it is somewhere I could truly be happy working at for a very long time, but like my previous employment situations it is not a job that requires any of the skills that I worked so hard to master...literally with a degree. However, if I could find a way to use these skills I have aquired to navigate my way to a higher position. That office is one in which I would be happy to remain employed.

The loss of many people in my life, whether it be by one's choice or by God is something that has truly impacted me and my entire thought process about EVERYTHING! My Mom died on March 5 this year and that incident has left a giant hole not only in my heart, but my life as well. Losing Mom, my best friend, the one person who was always on my side is not something that I thought I would have to deal with as a mere 26 year old. It sounds rediculous, but it's the way I feel. I may be an "adult", but I still need my Mommy. I may be an "adult", but I feel as if I am orphaned. I have sat down a million times since her passing to write about her and there simply are not enough words to express how much she meant to me.

I have tried to think about significant events of my life to share, because I thoroughly LOVE talking about Mom and in no way do I want to forget her or anybody else for that matter, but it's really hard. She is a part of almost every single significant event that has occured in my life. March 5 was one day out of 26 years. Most of which were amazing because I was blessed with the most wonderful mother in the entire world.

The truth of the matter is I am still me, but my life is now split into two different periods. Life with Mom and life after. I know who I was, but now I'm not entirely sure who I am. Where does one go from here? When I am ready to write about Mom and everything it will not be able to be one post, but instead a series of them. One would be a disgrace and I know that for a blog writing an epic novel is not something that anyone would venture to read. The point of posting about Mom is so that I can share her life with other's, so it is essential that their is a desire from those of you out there to want to hear about it. So standby...there is more to come about Mom, known to most as Paula.

As previously mentioned a couple of paragraphs before I have suffered the loss of many people. Mom and Poppy due to death. The other's because for one reason or another they no longer want to include me in their life. One is a boy who has been the topic of a post, the other's are family members. One of those members no longer feels that it is necissary to have any kind of contact with me because, "we have nothing in common" and the other has no choice because she is a child and is limited in her options. I need it to be known that I miss and love each and everyone of these people who are now absent from my life.

This post is not to be depressing, but instead to explain that things are different. In closing I would like to say that I have a TON of things that I would love to write about and one day when I can get my 500 million thoughts in order I will start to share them. Some things are funny, some sad, some analytical and some are just straight up girly. Regardless, they are my thoughts and they are little pieces of information that will shine some insight into who I am. Until then...take care of yourselves, go see your mom because you never know when the last time will be, love and cherish the relationships that you do have with all of those you have selected to be in your life. Remember that families are a blessing and that even if we do not always agree that does not in any way mean that we do not care. Be sweet to eachother! Until then...stay tuned!

Love Always,

Cassandra B.

"The Other C.B."

Always On My Mind

Papa Gene with an OU football...no surprise there :)

On January 30, 2013 the best man I know passed away. He was kind, thoughtful, funny and completely selfless. He had the best heart known to man and loved more than any other person I have ever met. The person to whom I am referring is my grandpa. Papa Gene had the biggest heart, so it is almost ironic to me that his heart is what caused him to no longer be with us. In all honesty I truly believed he had a whole lot of years left in him, but I suppose God knows better than I. I say this so that those of you out there who have grandparents that you love, but you do not spend as much time with as you should, do not take them for granted. When you decide that you want to go spend time with them, they may not be around.

I wrote my Papa Gene’s obituary for the funeral home’s Web site and used it (with a witty twist that I know he would have appreciated) for the funeral program, so that is not what I desire to do with this post. Instead I would prefer to spend this time to tell you all some of the things that I wish had have been said during his service. I want to give you all some insight into who it was that my Papa Gene was and why he was so important to me. This is more or less a tribute to him and maybe a great way for me to grieve. Whatever the reason, be it therapeutic or otherwise, you should continue to read this.

Growing up I thought I was the luckiest girl in the world because I had a grandpa who was funny. Not just funny to me, but apparently funny to all. He was random and would just say things completely out of the blue, such as, “Oh God, why did you make me so sexy”. He loved sports and took me to my very first OU women’s basketball game when I was around 6 years-old. He also loved food. That man could tell you about all of the best places to eat, what was good there and how much it cost. He seriously could talk to you about food and/or sports all day. So basically as long as your home carried ESPN and the Food Network you were good to go in his book.

Papa Gene also loved to watch old TV shows and movies. I would come home and he would be watching the Gene Autry show and laughing his adorable little laugh and then talking about how ridiculous one of the characters on the show was. He was a huge Elvis fan (was born on the exact same day even). I tried to convince my little brother Josh that our grandpa was Elvis and that he decided he no longer wanted to live that life so he chose to fake his death and have a life of normalcy. This was actually not a hard story for one to believe because I had “facts” to back my case. Papa Gene had side burns, an old Cadillac and was really excited about the brand new leather jacket that he had recently gotten. I don’t know if Josh really believed me or not, but I bet there was at least a few moments of pondering on his side.

My Papa was not just an old school kind of man; he was pretty down with the times too. My senior year of high school I lived at my grandparents’ house and would watch “Desperate Housewives”, not for the amazing plot line and epic character development (hahaha), but simply because he thought Eva Longoria was hot. He also liked watching “Two in a Half Men” even though my Grandma Dorma found it highly inappropriate. Poppy enjoyed old Brat Pack movies because he thought that Mollie Ringwald was adorable and he would always watch romantic comedies with me, which he always referred to as, “little teeny bopper movies”.

The best dates I have ever had in my life were with my Papa Gene. We use to go to the dollar movie, just he and I (the real theater every once in a while….side note to this…the theater closest to my grandparents’ home is called Starworld 20 Dickinson Theatre’s, in my family we simply refer to it as “The Dick”, if this is any indication for you about how serious we all are…hahaha!). We would always go see some silly little comedy and he would complain about how stupid the movie was when we would get home, but the whole time we were at the movie he would laugh and laugh. We almost always went out to eat before or after and more often than not would stop at Braum’s (Bram’s, according to Poppy) for ice cream that I was not supposed to tell Grandma Dorma about…LOL.

My Papa Gene was my date to my senior Football formal and escorted me senior night out on the football field. I was an athletic trainer in high school and no matter how hot or cold, so long as it was a home game Poppy was always there. I also did a whole lot of plays and pageants in high school, which he was not as good about attending, but he would always let me perform my competitive pieces for him before I would go to a drama contest. He was always good to ask me not just about myself, but about those who mattered to me to, because you know when you’re a “teeny bopper” your friends are the most important things to you in the world. He would even ask me about my pets because he knew they were important to me too!

When Papa got sick and went to the hospital he never complained. In fact he would always talk about how he was fine. He was ready to go home and he wanted to eat food that was not “crappy”. I went up there to see him a lot, but wish I would have gone more. We watched a lot of news and a WHOLE lot of Sportscenter. He talked to me about my Thunder team, even though he could have cared less because the basketball games on that he cared to discuss was the OU women’s team, which we talked about too. When it was just he and I at the hospital we would watch Charlie Sheen’s new show because it was, “kind of naughty”.  Truly this is where my grandpa was the best. One on one’s.

The day I received the phone call that he had not made it through the night was a hard one, for I knew my life would never ever be the same. There would now always be something missing. Not everyone knows this, but losing my Papa Gene was as much like losing a parent as some may experience. My biological father has chosen to be fairly absent in the last few years and pops in and out when it is convenient for him, but my Poppy , he on the other hand has been a consistent. He was not always great about verbalizing how it was that he felt (because in all honesty, he probably could not have gotten a word in edge-wise), but I don’t doubt at all that he loved me.

Like many girly girls, growing up I have thought about my wedding, but probably not to the extent that some have. I have no idea who the groom will be (crossing my fingers for Zac Efron), what kind of dress I’ll wear, what the color scheme will be etc… however, the one thing that I have always wanted is for my Papa Gene to be the person to officiate the ceremony. See my Papa Gene was a retired pastor, so he would not even have to be ordained online…he was legitimately legit…lol. Now I know this is something that will never happen for me and that makes me super sad because he will be missing on that day.

I should have made a point to go see him more since I have moved back closer to him, but I did not. As mentioned before, Papa Gene had a bit of a sweet tooth and Village Inn has free pie on Wednesdays. I had talked about taking him to get a free piece of pie and he said he would go. We planned it a few times and had to reschedule because of me. We never went and got that pie. It seems stupid, but brings me to tears whenever I think about it. It was not about the pie; it was about the time we would have spent together. I say this so that any of you reading this will think about these things and go get that piece of pie with your person before they are not around to have pie with.

Love Always,

Cassandra B.

"The Other C.B."

New Year...New Me

I am not one for New Years Resolutions, as I am a firm believer that when we set these kind of goals we are simply setting ourselves up for failure. How many people do you know that have these resolutions and they truly believe that this year will be different. They talk it up all the way up until January 1 and then slowly as time progresses these changes never really happen. Why do we do this to ourselves over and over again.

I for one think that we should always try to be better than the person we were yesterday. Self improvement is important and should not be a thing that we set aside until the first of the year. If that is what we are going to do then I guess it's alright for us to go ahead and wait another 365 days to set any new goals for ourselves from today on. Does that make any sense at all? No matter what day or month of the year I think we need to self assess and see what it is that we can do to make ourselves better people.

Me, Autumn and Mike...it's a small world after all :)

I also think the best thing to do is to take baby steps. By doing this we are not setting ourselves up for failure, instead we may actually see some results. An example is instead of saying that by January 1, 2014 I want to be 100 pounds lighter, set a goal that does not sound so insane. Say that each week your goal is to lose 1 pound. At the end of seven days if you have reached this goal then you can be proud of yourself. By being proud you will continue on the right path as opposed to a self destructive one where you just beat yourself up and admit defeat. There are approximatley 52 weeks in a year so if you do this, then you will have lost 52 pounds by the following January. No that's not 100, but hey look at you...you are now 52 pounds lighter and proud that you reached a goal. That's not too shabby to me.

My goals are simple...I'm not making any new years resolutions. The words actually have a negative connotation to me. Instead I would like to say my daily goal for self improvement would be some of the following: be more positive, more assertive, more forgiving, more appreciative of what I have and not focusing so much on what I do not, telling the people in my life how much they mean to me and expressing that to them so they know. I want to stop assuming that I know what people think...I don't. I want to become more self-accepting. I want to be a kinder, nicer person. I want to focus on forgiving those who have done me wrong or disapointed me, and when I say forgive them, I mean really find it in my heart to forgive them. I want to accept that sometimes (often times) I do wrong or make mistakes and sometimes there is no way to go back and fix these things.

I want to strive to be the best person I can be and the best way to do this is to take a look at me on the inside and be honest with myself about where improvements need to be made. By doing this I believe at the end of every day I will start to become the person I was inteded to be. This is not something I hope to see results in the next year, but hopefully every single day. This is not my "resolution", but instead a promise to myself and how shitty would I feel if I broke a promise to me...lol.

I feel like for the most part I'm a fairly honest person and I will be the firs to tell you that I make mistakes and wrong choices every single day. The worst thing I think I could do would be to be dishonest to myself. Hell, the first step is admitting you have a problem, then you can grow. I hope to learn from my mistakes and grow from them, not repeat them. So I challenge you all to do the same thing and do a self-assessment of yourself. Step 1- cut a hole in the box...oops, wrong step 1...haha...just kidding, but seriously...Step 1- be honest with yourself, what could you do this week to make you a better person? Write down a few things and try them out this week. As you do cross them off your list and by next Sunday look at that list and see how much you've already done. Baby steps! You should be proud because it's the little things in life...and those little things add up.

I hope this wasn't too preachy for you today, but I thought it was worth saying and what was on my heart to talk about today. I hope you all have a very Happy New Year! Be positive and realistic...you never know what awaits you in the future! This reminds me of my goal for today...and that is to not be a Debbie Downer for 24 hours...so far...so good ;)

Love Always,

Cassandra B.

"The Other C.B."