Since my last post a million things have changed. I started a new job, not the position of my dreams, but I am very happy there and everyone is sincerely and legitimately kind. I think it is somewhere I could truly be happy working at for a very long time, but like my previous employment situations it is not a job that requires any of the skills that I worked so hard to master...literally with a degree. However, if I could find a way to use these skills I have aquired to navigate my way to a higher position. That office is one in which I would be happy to remain employed.
The loss of many people in my life, whether it be by one's choice or by God is something that has truly impacted me and my entire thought process about EVERYTHING! My Mom died on March 5 this year and that incident has left a giant hole not only in my heart, but my life as well. Losing Mom, my best friend, the one person who was always on my side is not something that I thought I would have to deal with as a mere 26 year old. It sounds rediculous, but it's the way I feel. I may be an "adult", but I still need my Mommy. I may be an "adult", but I feel as if I am orphaned. I have sat down a million times since her passing to write about her and there simply are not enough words to express how much she meant to me.
I have tried to think about significant events of my life to share, because I thoroughly LOVE talking about Mom and in no way do I want to forget her or anybody else for that matter, but it's really hard. She is a part of almost every single significant event that has occured in my life. March 5 was one day out of 26 years. Most of which were amazing because I was blessed with the most wonderful mother in the entire world.
The truth of the matter is I am still me, but my life is now split into two different periods. Life with Mom and life after. I know who I was, but now I'm not entirely sure who I am. Where does one go from here? When I am ready to write about Mom and everything it will not be able to be one post, but instead a series of them. One would be a disgrace and I know that for a blog writing an epic novel is not something that anyone would venture to read. The point of posting about Mom is so that I can share her life with other's, so it is essential that their is a desire from those of you out there to want to hear about it. So standby...there is more to come about Mom, known to most as Paula.
As previously mentioned a couple of paragraphs before I have suffered the loss of many people. Mom and Poppy due to death. The other's because for one reason or another they no longer want to include me in their life. One is a boy who has been the topic of a post, the other's are family members. One of those members no longer feels that it is necissary to have any kind of contact with me because, "we have nothing in common" and the other has no choice because she is a child and is limited in her options. I need it to be known that I miss and love each and everyone of these people who are now absent from my life.
This post is not to be depressing, but instead to explain that things are different. In closing I would like to say that I have a TON of things that I would love to write about and one day when I can get my 500 million thoughts in order I will start to share them. Some things are funny, some sad, some analytical and some are just straight up girly. Regardless, they are my thoughts and they are little pieces of information that will shine some insight into who I am. Until then...take care of yourselves, go see your mom because you never know when the last time will be, love and cherish the relationships that you do have with all of those you have selected to be in your life. Remember that families are a blessing and that even if we do not always agree that does not in any way mean that we do not care. Be sweet to eachother! Until then...stay tuned!
Love Always,
Cassandra
B.
"The Other
C.B."
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